Table of Contents for Moving Beyond Loss : Real Answers to Real Questions from Real People


Introduction 1(8)
PART I Beginning at the Beginning
9(72)
Chapter 1 Six Myths That Limit Us
11(8)
Chapter 2 MYTH: Grieve Alone: Q&A
19(12)
My Husband Never Comes Out of the Bedroom
20(1)
I Wonder Why I Have to Be All By Myself
21(2)
Her Emotional Plate Is Way Beyond Full
23(2)
It's Not Advisable for Family Members to Do Grief Work Together
25(1)
"Let Go" of What? and "Move On" to Where?
26(2)
I'm Scared, but Will Do It Anyway
28(3)
Chapter 3 MYTH: It Just Takes Time: Q&A
31(18)
The Pain Often Gets Worse within Time
32(2)
Do We Ever Really Recover?
34(2)
They Want Us Looking Good and Being Productive 3-5 Days Later!
36(1)
Answering Questions Doesn't Resolve Grief
37(2)
How Long until I'm Happy Again?
39(1)
If You Move On, Are You Letting Go of Them?
40(3)
I Have Morphed into Another Person; How Can I Recover?
43(2)
When Is It Too Soon to Start Dating?
45(2)
When Your Heart Is Broken Your Head Doesn't Work Right
47(2)
Chapter 4 MYTH: Be Strong for Others: Q&A
49(18)
The Real Key Is for You to Go First
50(2)
A Tangled Web of Losses!
52(2)
It's Amazing How Disconnected We Can Feel
54(2)
Saying "I Know How You Feel" Robs Dignity from a Griever
56(1)
Grieving People Need to Talk about What Happened
57(2)
Intervention Doesn't Work with The Grief Recovery Method®
59(2)
I'm Getting Tired of Propping Everyone Else Up
61(2)
All Relationships Are Unique
63(2)
The Word "Imagine" Creates Safety
65(2)
Chapter 5 MYTH: Keep Busy and Short-Term Energy-Relieving Behaviors: Q&A
67(14)
STERBs---What Are They?
68(2)
Grief Is Exhausting!
70(2)
How Do I Deal with the Anger I Feel?
72(2)
Memorial Jewelry Doesn't Heal Your Heart
74(2)
Keeping Busy Just Exhausts Us
76(2)
You Can't Bypass Feelings, You Have to Go through Them
78(3)
PART II The Ongoing Controversy: The Alleged Stages of Grief vs. Typical, Normal, and Natural Responses to Loss
81(58)
Chapter 6 Are There Actual Stages of Grief?
83(4)
Chapter 7 No Stages of Grief: Q&A
87(10)
Statement of Death Is NOT Denial
88(1)
Adapting to the Painful Reality of Death
89(1)
Has the Reality of My Loss Set in Yet?
90(2)
Your Broken Heart Talking!
92(2)
He Won't See Me Graduate, Get Married, or Have Kids
94(2)
I Desperately Need to Know How to Live Again
96(1)
Chapter 8 On Crying: Q&A
97(10)
I Still Cry Daily. Is that Normal?
98(1)
Force Myself to Cry to Make People Stop Worrying about Me?
99(2)
Death of a Spouse Can Be Like Losing a Piece of Your Body
101(2)
Feelings Don't Happen "Just Out of the Blue"
103(1)
Very Attached to Their Possessions
104(3)
Chapter 9 Robbed of Goodbye: Q&A
107(14)
Sudden Death Robs Us of a Last Goodbye
108(1)
No Longer Together, but Still Heartbroken
109(1)
Is There Such a Thing as Complicated Grief?
110(2)
When I Need Him One More Time, He's No Longer Here
112(3)
Relationships Are Made Up of Time and Intensity!
115(1)
Missing the Funeral
116(2)
Cremains as a Permanent Relocatable Grief Recovery Monument
118(3)
Chapter 10 Other Typical, Normal, and Natural Responses to Loss: Q&A
121(18)
Quieting the Inner Dialogue That Never Sleeps
122(2)
Life Itself Just Seems Very Tasteless---Nothing Seems to Matter
124(2)
Inability to Concentrate Is an Almost Universal Reaction
126(1)
Still Hurt and Angry
127(2)
Will I Ever Feel Normal Again?
129(1)
The Victims' Families Often Feel as if They Are on Trial
130(2)
The Emotional Pink Elephant in the Living Room
132(2)
Massive Reminders of Someone Who Is No Longer Alive
134(1)
My Mom's Picture
135(2)
Why Do Families Tear Apart?
137(2)
PART III A Host of Questions on Unique Situations
139(116)
Chapter 11 Holidays, Anniversaries, and Reminders: Q&A
141(16)
Today Is Way Too Long to Stay Stuck in One Feeling
142(2)
Multiple Deaths Make Us Feel Like We're Drowning
144(1)
The Holidays---A Perfect Time to Demonstrate the Truth to Your Children
145(2)
It Is the Fact That He Died That Is Most Important, Not the Method or the Date
147(2)
Resetting the Dysfunctional Default Settings to Create a Fuller Life
149(2)
Things That Don't Get to Happen Because They're No Longer Here
151(1)
Many Grieving People Struggle with Enjoying Themselves
152(2)
Will I Ever Be Able to Stop Being Numb and Let Go?
154(3)
Chapter 12 Stuck on a Painful Image: Q&A
157(14)
Staying Stuck on a Painful Image Keeps Us Stuck in Grief
158(1)
Tragic Deaths Compound Our Pain
159(2)
Trying "Not" to Think about It Doesn't Work
161(1)
Completion, Not Closure---An Important Distinction
162(2)
Grief Is Not PTSD
164(2)
We Know What They Would Have Said
166(1)
As She Was Dying, My Mother Shut Me Out
167(2)
I Know There's Nothing I Could've Done to Stop Him
169(2)
Chapter 13 Guilt and Blame: Q&A
171(18)
The "Story-Line" Sometimes Trumps the "Heart-Line"
172(3)
But for One Second Earlier or Later, Our Lives Are Changed Forever
175(2)
How Do I Accept the Things I Did?
177(2)
The Good, The Bad, and Sometimes, The Ugly
179(2)
Sometimes We Have to Break Our Promises
181(2)
Walking Through Life Without Your Mate
183(1)
Left with Unfinished Emotional Business
184(2)
Hamster on a Wheel
186(2)
The Nursing Home Facility Mistreated My Mom
188(1)
Chapter 14 Death, Divorce, and Difficult Relationships: Q&A
189(22)
On Being "Ruled from the Grave"
190(1)
When the Last Interaction Was Negative
191(2)
Confused and Overwhelmed by the Death of a Former Spouse
193(3)
Discovery Does Not Equal Recovery
196(3)
Families and Legal Mayhem
199(1)
The "Warm and Fuzzies" That Never Happened
200(2)
The Death of the Person Who Harmed You
202(2)
Some Family Members Disassociate Themselves from Others After a Death
204(2)
Losses of Safety and Trust---The Painful By-products of Spousal Abuse
206(2)
Alcohol Can Leave a Trail of Destruction in Its Wake!
208(1)
Rather Than Reconcile, Become as Emotionally Complete as Possible
209(2)
Chapter 15 Children: Q&A
211(44)
Putting Together a Puzzle with Very Few Pieces
212(1)
A Recurring Dream... After 58 Years
213(2)
Missing People We Never Really Knew
215(1)
My Daughter Wants to Take the Plane to Heaven to See Her Grandpa
216(1)
"Monkey See, Monkey Do"
217(2)
An Eleven-Year-Old's Upset Reactions to Questions about Death
219(2)
Helping Children in Foster Care Deal with Multiple Losses
221(2)
Explaining Death to Young Children and to a Child with Special Needs
223(2)
Whether or Not to Take Children to Funerals or Memorials
225(2)
Are Bedwetting and Grief Related?
227(2)
Three Little Girls Ask When Daddy Will Be Home
229(1)
Helping a Four-Year-Old Know Who His Mother Really Was
230(1)
Going to Church Reminds a Twelve-Year-Old of His Dad's Death
231(4)
In Closing
235(2)
Articles Section
237(1)
Time Doesn't Heal---Actions Do
237(3)
On Crying---Part One
240(2)
On Crying---Part Two
242(3)
Normal and Natural Reactions to Death
245(7)
Stuck on a Painful Image
252(3)
About the Authors 255