Table of Contents for Dad Is Fat


Foreword xi
Letter to My Children
1(2)
Who's Who in the Cast
3(2)
Rue the Day
5(8)
"Drinking the Kool-Aid"
13(2)
Family-Friendly
15(2)
Have Children: The Condition
17(3)
The Lone Ranger
20(4)
Anti-Family
24(2)
I Confess
26(2)
Happy Days Are Here Again
28(4)
The Pharaoh and the Slave
32(4)
Vice President
36(2)
My Dad, the Professional Wrestler
38(7)
The Narcissist's Guide to Babies and Toddlers
45(3)
When Women Get Lazy
48(4)
Oh My God, You're Pregnant?
52(3)
Witchcraft
55(5)
Newbornland
60(7)
Dogfight
67(3)
Circumcision
70(4)
The Invasion
74(4)
Eat the Coleslaw!
78(5)
Toddlerhood
83(9)
The Evil Within
92(3)
Secrets and Lies
95(4)
A Critical Analysis of Children's Literature
99(5)
No Further Questions
104(4)
Bring in da Noise
108(4)
The Chud People
112(4)
Monsters
116(2)
Nothing in Common
118(4)
Hotel New York City
122(6)
Vamanos
128(9)
Is It Too Soon to Start Dating Again?
137(3)
I'll Be Your Tour Guide
140(9)
Pale Force
149(4)
Learnin' Them
153(5)
A Self-Portrait
158(5)
Your Special Day
163(5)
Losing My Religion
168(5)
No Such Thing as a Free Babysitter
173(7)
How to Put Five Kids to Bed in a Two-Bedroom Apartment
180(5)
Negotiating with Terrorists
185(3)
My Former Bed
188(4)
Morning Has Been Broken
192(5)
Naps Are Payday Loans
197(3)
Get Married, Have Kids, Get Fat
200(4)
Hand-in-Mouth Disease
204(4)
We Need Bread
208(4)
You Win, McDonald's
212(3)
How Sweet It Is
215(7)
`Tis the Season
222(4)
My Other Family
226(3)
Are You Done Yet?
229(8)
Six Kids, Catholic
237(5)
The Great White Baby
242(2)
The Mousetrap
244(4)
Picture This
248(3)
Snow Job
251(7)
On the Road Again
258(8)
Eskimo Pies
266(4)
You're Going to Miss This
270(3)
Additional Acknowledgments 273